Author Archives: cmoser

Pissed Off

The toilets here have a lower water level and more of a slope down from the lip into the bowels of the bowl. Sometimes the geometry is off by a bit, sometimes things don’t line up quite perfectly. With practice, probably, my technique could improve to alleviate the problem, but, as it stands, to put […]

I am not alone

or “How marvelous it is to find a home within an internet freakshow minority” I have a few quirks – some biological, some psychological, some superstitious or even spiritual. I love beets, but they turn my urine bright red the next day, making me think I sustained kidney damage the night before (a possibility far […]

Slack Motherfucker – A Tale of Blackest Betrayal (a formerly private email)

Last night, at the mancino show, B came with me. As I think you all know, if the last 10 years of my life have generated one sincere, profound regret, it’s that I never made a concerted attempt to go after this one particular girl. Even seeing her name in print stirs my soul. So […]

Admission

Ted Chang Boston University Honors (500 words / Due:12/20) What is the purpose of higher education? Some argue that college should foster self-discovery, empathy, citizenship, clarity of thought, and elegance of expression. Others contend that college should promote practical skills, problem-solving, and career-oriented training. You may draw on your personal experience as well as on […]

Argentina #2 – The plane

On board I indulge my traveling idiosyncracies – I eat everything put in front of me and drink only tomato juice. I try to breathe only through my nose. I had a one-night layover in Miami, which I wasted on a protracted walk around the airport hotels and dinner at Boston Chicken. In my imagination […]

Argentina #1 – Airport

People don´t fuck with breakfast. Lunch and dinner are multi-ethnic affairs, full of curiosity and experimentation. But for breakfast people tend to stick with the foods of their childhoods. The chinese guy next to me is eating some meat too dark to be chicken and too light to be pork, in the style of General […]

Online Dating Profile

My boy you’re going about it all wrong. Get their attention, ‘straight out o’ the box,’ as Pastor Thunberg was wont to opine. Wha? Horses, boy, horse racing. One of innumerable perversions of our noble tongue attributable to that perfidious pastime. But do not divert me. I was saying. Grab their attention, and abjure the […]

Dogs and Dads

For Father’s Day I went with my dad for brunch to a restaurant in St. Peter’s Village. It was an all you can eat buffet brunch and I had crab cakes, salmon and beef tenderloin as well as a big salad. Everyone seemed to know my father, but of those who knew his name, he […]

Fear of Snakes

Joe Keesey had a well-documented fear of snakes. One day we found a dead snake in the woods and put it into a new shoebox recently relieved of its cargo of pristine Reebok pumps. Joe Keesey came over and we ran out to him with the shoe box yelling “Joey, come check out my new […]

Dark Spawn

I ran into her yesterday on the subway.  As usual when she saw me she tried to look away quickly first and pretend that she hadn’t seen me, or maybe she did it in the hopes that I hadn’t recognized her.  As always I stared straight at her and eventually she had to look at […]