Argentina #1 – Airport

People don´t fuck with breakfast. Lunch and dinner are multi-ethnic affairs, full of curiosity and experimentation. But for breakfast people tend to stick with the foods of their childhoods. The chinese guy next to me is eating some meat too dark to be chicken and too light to be pork, in the style of General […]


Online Dating Profile

My boy you’re going about it all wrong. Get their attention, ‘straight out o’ the box,’ as Pastor Thunberg was wont to opine. Wha? Horses, boy, horse racing. One of innumerable perversions of our noble tongue attributable to that perfidious pastime. But do not divert me. I was saying. Grab their attention, and abjure the […]


Dogs and Dads

For Father’s Day I went with my dad for brunch to a restaurant in St. Peter’s Village. It was an all you can eat buffet brunch and I had crab cakes, salmon and beef tenderloin as well as a big salad. Everyone seemed to know my father, but of those who knew his name, he […]


Fear of Snakes

Joe Keesey had a well-documented fear of snakes. One day we found a dead snake in the woods and put it into a new shoebox recently relieved of its cargo of pristine Reebok pumps. Joe Keesey came over and we ran out to him with the shoe box yelling “Joey, come check out my new […]


Dark Spawn

I ran into her yesterday on the subway.  As usual when she saw me she tried to look away quickly first and pretend that she hadn’t seen me, or maybe she did it in the hopes that I hadn’t recognized her.  As always I stared straight at her and eventually she had to look at […]


Literally, I hate you

A lot of people who have grammar and diction pet peeves didn’t come by them honestly. Someone once explained to them, for example, that “evacuate” is something you can really only do to buildings or bowels, so the next time their unsuspecting friend mentions how the firemen came and evacuated his family, they make some […]


Horrible Things I’ve Done for Money #1

This is not a first-hand account because I don’t remember it happening to me. It’s one of those childhood stories told so often that the events it relates have become an indelible part of my psyche, even though I have no memory of them. My sister and mother like to relate this story flatly, with […]


Trinket

Just below the surface of Lake Geneva long, feather-like tendrils stretch up to tickle my belly as I swim by. Some sort of seaweed or aquatic plant. I swim with my head down to look at whatever swims, sways, or merely displaces water beneath me. I startle a big fish with fins like silk in […]


Split

At the north gate stands a statute made by the country’s most famous sculptor, a guy whose name I’m too lazy to look up in the guidebook sitting right here in front of me, (Ivan Mestrovic), and who bears the distinction of being the only person ever given an exhibition at the New York Met […]


How Kyle, Baker in Training, Might Respond: watching my mother play with charlie

First of all, I have a name, and not that that would occur to you, but it’s Kyle, not that you’ve ever asked.  And I’m not his “man,” or his boy, or his assistant or apprentice or anything else.  I’m a “baker in training” and I happen to work for him, and he’s a baker, […]